Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Positive Self- Identity:  Finding Purpose
Spending the day at the County Fair with our grandchildren, we stopped at the 4H tent
to get a bite to eat.  Eight-year-old Sofi, feeling particularly hungry, ordered the steak sandwich. 
“This is good!” she said after the first bite.  Then we didn’t hear from her again, until she was finished. “That steak sandwich was delicious!”
“It’s always nice to tell the cook when you like the food.  After all, he’s been volunteering at
 that grill all afternoon,” I suggested.
So we walked over to the grill and caught his attention. 
“That steak sandwich was delicious!” Sofi called to him.
At first he looked wary, perhaps thinking we had come to complain.  When he realized what
she had said, he grinned brightly.  “Thank you.  I’m glad you liked it.”
“Sofi,” I pointed out as we walked away, “Did you see how happy you made him with just one sentence?”
“Nana,” she told me seriously, “That’s my purpose.”
“Pardon me?”
“It’s my purpose to bring people happiness.  It’s why I’m made,” she explained.
Now I was grinning!  Sofi’s mom had taken care to teach her daughters that they were
created out of love to bring love into the world.  It’s a lesson that will serve them – and the rest of us – well throughout their lives.

                So much is written about building children’s self-esteem.  We want them to know that they are special, unique, loved.  We tell them they are beautiful, smart, the best, the winner.  We bend over backward to keep them from feeling inferior or discouraged.  We know that confident children will be happy children, more likely to perform well in any situation.
                There is also much written about over-doing the attention.  We are warned of the danger of coddling a child until he grows to expect praise for any effort at all.  We read of the “new bully,” the one who is so self-centered, she feels entitled to all the attention and anything she sets her sights on.  These new bullies have no sense of boundaries.  They will do whatever it takes to get what they want.  Nor do they have any sense of remorse if their target gets hurt. In their minds they are more than the Center of the Universe; they are THE universe.
                Working with Peacemakers: The New Generation, we began to shift our focus from developing positive self-esteem to developing positive self-identity.  We realized that children need to think of themselves, not as lone individuals, but as individuals who make up something bigger.  They are part of a community: a family, a class, a neighborhood, a country.  Those communities help to define their uniqueness: she is empathetic, he is a good speller, she is thoughtful, he is honest, etc.    Those communities also help define each one’s purpose: care taker, crossing guard, dog walker, patriot.  So we endeavored to extend our message to the children broadening, “You are loved.  You are unique.  You are beautiful.”   We began to add, “”You are loved just because you are.  You are unique in what you bring to the world.  You are beautiful in the way you complete the picture. And you are connected.  We need you and you need us.  We are one.”  
When they are young, children’s parents will help them recognize their purpose.  As they grow, they will find it for themselves, sometimes pleasantly surprising their elders. Years ago my daughter Amelia and I facilitated a retreat for families.  As part of the day, we asked parents to hear what their children wanted to be when they grew up.  We then encouraged them to help their children appreciate how their choice would add love and peace to the world.  We were all gratified to hear the youngsters announce such plans as:  “I will be a fireman and keep people safe.”  “I will be a ballerina and make people smile at the beautiful music and movement.”  “I will be a pro football player and teach kids how to be good sports.”
Helping a child develop a positive self-identity builds her self-esteem, withdraws her need to bully, and adds to peace in the world.

Activity
Puzzling It Over
Adapted from Peacemakers: The New Generation, Grades 6- 8, p. 5

Materials:  Photo or drawing of the earth cut into various puzzle shapes, as many pieces as there are children, markers
Purpose: To help children realize the unique contribution each person makes to the world.

In the Circle of Peace discuss the word “interdependence.”  Compare the word with “independence.”  When we are young, it seems that our whole goal is to learn to be independent.  That’s important, because independence brings freedom to accomplish the things we want to do.  But really, even adults are interdependent to some extent.  Doctors help their patients, pharmacists help the doctors, chemistry teachers help the pharmacists, etc.  Ask for examples of interdependence in a family, classroom, and neighborhood.  How are countries interdependent?
Divide the puzzle pieces among the children.  Have each write his name on the front of the piece.  Allow time for them to assemble the puzzle.
Ask the children to complete the metaphor: We are each like a piece of the puzzle because ___.
Discuss:
·         Though we fit together to make a whole, we are each uniquely made, no two pieces are alike.
·         Sometimes we have to turn ourselves around or up-side –down in order to fit properly.
·         No one else can fill our space.  If we are not allowed to fill our space, it will remain empty.
·         If we refuse to fit, or if someone prevents us from fitting, then we will be alone outside the picture and the puzzle will be incomplete.


For more information and to purchase Peacemakers: The New Generation books, please visit: http://www.peacemakerstng.com/

Thursday, October 3, 2013

Effective Communication Skills, Part II

As children grow older and become more verbal, we sometimes forget that they need reminders about the most effective way to use the thousands of words they’ve learned.
Once they understand the power in their words, they need guidance in how to use that power in the most positive ways.  When we give children the skills both to express their needs and desires and to listen with respect, we open the door to opportunity. Peacemakers: The New Generation books offer several activities to accent the various facets of effective communication.  Following are three of the most foundational exercises.


Activity
Water Balloons
From Peacemakers: The New Generation, Grades 6-8, pp. 44-45

Materials:  Balloons filled with water, at least one per pair of children (This activity is
                  best done outdoors.)
Purpose: To demonstrate the concepts of sender and receiver in effective
                communication.

Instruct the children to choose a partner and form two lines facing one another with partners directly across from one another.  The lines should be about three feet apart.
One partner holds the water balloon.  At the signal, the balloon is carefully tossed to the other partner.  If the balloon is caught without bursting, the partners each take a step back and toss again. Play continues in this way until the balloon bursts.  When this happens, the partners step out of line and sit on the side until the game ends., when all but one pair are still standing with their balloon intact.

Process the activity by discussing the following questions:
·         We will call the person throwing the balloon the sender  and the person catching the balloon the receiver.  What did the sender have to do to keep the balloon from bursting? (Possible responses:  look at the receiver, aim, throw with the right amount of force.) 
·         What did the receiver have to do? (Possible responses:  watch the sender, be willing to move to catch the balloon, catch it before it hit the ground.)
·         Would you throw if the receiver wasn’t looking at you?
·         Would you turn your back if the balloon was coming toward you?
·         What did you try to do when the balloon went way to the right or the left?
·         What would happen if you just stood in one spot?
·         Was it easier or harder to play when you were further apart?

Explain that playing with the water balloons is much like communicating.  There is a sender who speaks, sending the message, and a receiver who listens, receiving the message.  Can you think of other ways the game is like verbal communication? (Possible responses: the sender and receiver are frequently reversing roles; each must pay attention to the other by watching and listening; each must be willing to do what it takes to make it work.)
If time permits, play another round.


Catch the Message
From Peacemakers: The New Generation, Grades 4-6, pp. 40-41

It is one thing to know what one wants to say.  It is quite another to be able to deliver that message effectively to others.  The choice of words and the manner in which they are delivered to others can make a lasting impression on the listener.  Intimidation may get people to back down from a stand, but it is rarely convincing.  Distraction can postpone a conversation for the time-being, but it doesn’t resolve the issue.  Coming to the point honestly, with respect for the position of the listener, is the best way to work toward understanding.

When children learn to consider their audience they choose their words carefully.  They will take time to observe the listener’s body language and tone of voice and monitor their own accordingly.  In time, they will grow to be articulate and confident adults.

Materials:  Five or more soft, lightweight balls of various sizes and materials, newsprint,
                  markers.
Purpose:   To learn the three components of effective communication: attention, empathy, and
                  flexibility.

Ask the group to line up facing each other , as partners, about five feet apart.  Explain that the object of this game is to play catch with different balls and to move the balls from the front of the line to the back, partner after partner.  The leader, you or the extra child if there is an odd number, will give one ball to the first pair in line.  They will pass it back and forth, then pass it to the next pair in line.  The leader will then give the first pair a different ball to toss back and forth and pass on. The play continues in this manner with each pair receiving a ball from the previous pair and tossing it back and forth.  Continue until all balls are in play and have made it to the last pair.  If any ball is dropped, it must be passed back to the leader  and started in play again with the first pair.

To add excitement you might try passing a ball back to the front once it has reached the end, being careful to keep the balls in the correct order.

Process the game by pointing out that the game is like a conversation with a sender and a receiver.  The various balls represent different messages.  Discuss the following questions:
·         What did you need to do to be successful? (Possible answers: pay attention, understand the task, know to whom you were throwing the ball and how good they were at catching it, change how the ball was thrown depending on its sie and weight.)
·         How does this relate to talking with one another? (Possible answers: you have to pay attention, know to whom you are speaking, try to understand what the other person is saying, try to say things so they can be understood, know what you want to say.)
Explain that these observations can be summed up in three words:
·         Attention – being observant of the person, their words and their body language
·         Empathy – being sensitive to feelings and point of view
·         Flexibility – being willing to change the words you are using and how you are speaking in order to be understood. 
Make a poster or bulletin board to remind the group to use these three components of effective communication in their sharing and in their conversations.


Pitfalls
From Peacemakers: The New Generation, Grades 4-6, pp. 44-51


Effective communication is what can build bridges in relationships, connecting people who might otherwise never relate.  Paying attention, being empathetic, being willing to be flexible are ingredients of fine friendship.  Interference of effective communication is what we call “Pitfalls,” those behaviors that knock people off the bridges and keep them from ever becoming friends. They are the earmarks of a bully.

We divide these behaviors into two categories, diversion and intimidation.  Under diversion come the habits which distract one’s attention from the matter at hand.  These include; interrupting the speaker, failing to listen, avoiding taking responsibility for one’s part in the conflict, lying or exaggerating.  Under intimidation come the stronger, abusive behaviors which make it impossible for one to concentrate.  These include pushing, hitting, threatening, labeling, calling names, screaming and shouting.

We put all these together on a poster that looks like this:

Pushing or hitting
Interrupting
Threatening
Failing to listen
Avoiding taking responsibility for one’s part in the conflict
Labeling or calling names
Lying or exaggerating
Screaming or shouting

We gave the list to Jenny and David Heitler-Klevans, award-winning performers of “Two of a Kind”. They wrote and recorded a song for us which you can download from their web site. Find the words and order a CD here.       

We have found that when children learn to recognize these behaviors in characters from books, movies and TV, they are more likely to also identify them in their own lives and to be less fearful, more courageous in facing them or walking away.

For more information and to purchase Peacemakers: The New Generation books, please visit: http://www.peacemakerstng.com/

Sunday, September 29, 2013

Effective Communication Skills, Part I

No one can overestimate the value of learning the right words and the most effect methods for using those words to get needs met.  When Ali Baba saw where the seven thieves had hidden their bounty, he had to find a way to retrieve it.  Learning the words, “Open Sesame!” gave him access to unimaginable treasure.

So it is with children.  Giving little ones who are just beginning to communicate the words they need to express their ideas and desires opens a magic door to opportunity.  Caring adults take the time to help them to ask for attention without whining, to resolve conflicts without hitting or biting, and to play cooperatively.

It was early in the year when a mother walked her three-year-old into the school.  He was holding tightly to her hand and cowering behind her as his teacher approached.
“Tell your teacher what you need,” the mother urged gently.
“Will you help me make school better?” he asked timidly.  “I’m not very happy here.”
His teacher knelt down to his level to as, “What will make you feel better about school?”

Another teacher, witnessing this exchange, had tears in her eyes.  Not only was she moved by the sweet earnestness of his request, she was also touched by the wisdom of his young mother.  Rather than speak for him (a natural instinct for a parent), she knew it would be better to help her son find the words to help himself.  It took courage and a lot of trust to put her little boy in that position.  I’m guessing it also took some rehearsing at home.  The reward is that he is learning that his words have power.

Our goal is to help children learn how best to use that power, expressing themselves clearly and confidently.  When a child whines or grunts  to indicate a wish, the temptation might be to whine back, “Stop whining!”  This would be understandable, but not very helpful.  A more thoughtful adult will offer an alternate behavior:  “Please use your words.  Say, ‘I need help with my coat.’” Only when the words have been spoken, or at least attempted, will he help the child with her coat.  Each positive response to a verbal request will encourage the child to use her words again.

We also want children to develop habits of courtesy and respect.  A child who screeches, “Gimme it!” is seldom met with a smile.  On the other hand, children learn quickly that they get more positive attention when they address a person by name and use words like “please” and “thank you” and “excuse me.”  These words set the tone for a calmer conversation.  People usually respond in kind, which reinforces the habit.

Finally, we aim to give children skills for resolving conflicts.  Having the right words in a critical moment can allay the urge to hit and run.  We teach children to say clearly, “I don’t like it when you…” or “Please stop…”  We help them negotiate with suggestions like, “Let’s share or “Let’s take turns.”  We help them emphasize their needs with “I” statements such as “I feel…”  Finally, we promise them that if they are having trouble, we’ll be right there to help them out.


It always comes back to this:  What we want our children to learn, we must first learn.  In other words, we need to be the models of clear, courteous and effective communication.  They will copy us, we can be sure.  When they do, they will feel happier, more confident and more peaceful.  What greater treasure can they have?

For more information and to purchase Peacemakers: The New Generation books, please visit: http://www.peacemakerstng.com/


Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Forgiveness: Part 3

The following activity focuses on the symbol of shaking hands as a sign of reconciliation.When an adult witnesses two children arguing or even fighting, it is often wise to step back and let the children work it out.  Usually they have a natural propensity toward apology, forgiveness and reconciliation and they learn well from their experience.  But sometimes, the argument escalates, gets out of control and a valuable relationship falls into jeopardy.  It is then that adult guidance is needed.

Forgiveness is the act of granting peace to the offender by releasing a grudge.  It is often, but not always, preceded by an apology, the admission of responsibility for the offense.  The ideal result of combining forgiveness and apology is reconciliation.  To reconcile is, at best, to bring together again in love or friendship.  At least, it means to reach a compromise agreement.

Michael Hyatt of Intentional Leadership writes that reconciliation only happens when three phrases are used:  “I’m sorry.  I was wrong. Will you please forgive me?”  I would add two more phrases: “Yes, I forgive you.  Let’s be friends.”

The words, however, are empty unless they are stimulated by attitudes of responsibility, humility, empathy and patience.
  • ·         Responsibility:  “I’m sorry” means I played an active role in offending you.  It may have been accidental, but it was at my hand and I truly regret it.  “Yes, I forgive you”  indicates willingness to do what is necessary to maintain the friendship.
  • ·         Humility: It is seldom easy to admit to being wrong. We teach children the value of this behavior when we respond to their mistakes with understanding and forgiveness.  Of course, nothing teaches as clearly as watching how we react to our own errors.  Are we defensive, too proud to acknowledge our faults?  Or do we humbly concede our culpability, repair the damages and move on?
  • ·         Empathy:  It is not enough to mutter, “Sorry” or “Just kidding” when we have hurt a friend.  It is important that a child realize just how he has offended another.  It is helpful to encourage him to name the offense and describe how he would feel under the same circumstances.  When he’s ready, the apology needs to identify the transgression:   “I am sorry I embarrassed you when I told that story at school.”  In this way, the wounded child knows for sure that his suffering has been understood and the offender is sure he has been duly forgiven.
  • ·         Patience:  Reconciliation is a process that takes time.  Emotions need to die down.  Children need to think through all that has happened.  Adults need to respect the child’s struggle by guiding her, “When you are ready, you can apologize… you can forgive her…you can be friends again.”  This seldom takes as long for children as it can for proud and stubborn adults, but it is not fair to expect it to happen in a matter of minutes.

Activity  
Shaking Hands
Adapted from Peacemakers: The New Generation Grades 4-6, p. 36

Materials:  None
Purpose: To experience what is needed for reconciliation

Gather in the Circle of Peace.  Tell the children what you know about Golda Meir.  She was the first woman elected Prime Minister of Israel from 1969-1974.  She was often portrayed as the “strong-willed, straight-talking, gray-bunned grandmother of the Jewish people.”  Her dream was for peace in the Middle East.  She worked with world leaders including President Nixon and Pope Paul VI to establish a peace initiative to end the “War of Attrition.”
She said, “You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.”

Ask, when there has been a falling out between two friends, what needs to happen in order to repair the relationship?  When is it important to apologize?  What does it mean to forgive? Explain that when there is sincere apology and true forgiveness we have reconciliation,   a bringing together again in love or friendship.     

Invite each child to choose a partner. Explain that in many societies a handshake is a symbol of friendship. It is also a symbol of reconciliation.  Reiterate Golda Meir’s quote: “You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.”

Ask the children to pretend to be angry with their partners and to make clenched fists to show it.  Can they shake hands as friends?  What would have to happen in order to shake hands? (Apologies, forgiveness, open and relaxed hands)Reconciliation takes away the anger and eases the clenched fist.  Reconciliation makes it possible to restore the friendship.

Invite the children to trace their hands in their journals and fill them with the quote from Golda Meir.  Close the Circle with a Handshake of Peace.

For more information and to purchase Peacemakers: The New Generation books, please visit: http://www.peacemakerstng.com/


Friday, April 19, 2013


Forgiveness, Part 2


On October 2, 2008, the world was stunned by the news from Nickel Mines, a rural town in Southern Lancaster County.  A man, insane with grief over the loss of his first-born daughter, rushed into an Amish school house and shot ten little girls, before taking his own life.  Five of the children died.

But, perhaps even more stunning was the response of the Amish community, including those families who had lost a child.  They forgave the shooter.  They reached out to comfort his family who had lost a husband/father/son.  They brought the family food and promised to be good neighbors to them.  When money poured in from around the world to help defray medical and funeral costs, the victims shared it with the killer’s family.

Dr. Donald Kraybill, co-author of Amish Grace: How Forgiveness Transcended Tragedy, (See more here.) interviewed dozens of families from the Nickel Mines community, asking them to define forgiveness.  The most common answer was “forgiveness means giving up a grudge.”  In an essay on the topic, Dr. Kraybill writes: “One Amish farmer told me, ‘Acid corrodes the container that holds it.  That’s what happens when we hold on to bitterness.’”

What’s remarkable about this story is that we find it so remarkable!  Our culture is not geared for forgiveness.  Our response is more often to “get even,”  “pay back”  “teach him a lesson.”  But looking at how that attitude only escalates the violence in this country makes me think it’s not working so well for us.

Dr. Kraybill writes: “An Amish father who lost a daughter in the schoolhouse offered a slightly different definition: ‘For me, forgiveness means giving up my right to revenge.”

What if we taught our children this?  What if we showed them that forgiveness is harder than revenge, but it is better, because it brings peace? Holding a grudge is exhausting work.  It sits in our hearts like a rock.  It pops up in most unexpected ways, ruining our days over and over again.  Forgiveness releases the forgiver from that bondage and allows one to get on with life.  Even if there is no apology and, therefore, no reconciliation, forgiveness brings peace to the victim.

Just to be clear, forgiveness does not mean the offense is excused or accepted..  Nor does it mean that the offense is completely understandable.  One can forgive and still demand recompense.  What forgiveness does is release the anger, resentment, or hate building up in one’s heart.  It takes time and effort and often repeated resolve, but it is worth it to have a peaceful heart. Dr. Kraybill assures us that in Nickel Mines the Amish, for the most part, have been able to move forward in what they call “the new normal.”



Activity  
A Lesson in a Bottle
Adapted from Peacemakers: The New Generation Grades 4-6, pages 44-45

Forgiveness is the act of granting peace to the offender by releasing a grudge.  The very act of forgiveness brings peace to the forgiver as well.  It allows the parties to move past the injury and offers hope for the future.  There can be no peace without forgiveness.

Materials:  One 2-liter empty plastic bottle and cap, tub of colored water, pitcher, awl or other sharp instrument to pierce holes in the bottle, optional: two-liter bottles of soda to share with the group at the end.

Purpose: To demonstrate how forgives relieves pain and brings peace to the forgiver

Preparation:  Poke four or five holes around the base of the empty bottle

Gather in the Circle of Peace.  Ask the children to consider this.  Suppose there is a group of people who want to be friends.  However, in the group there are some bullies who are really mean to others.  One of the bully targets decides to leave the group so he will be safe, away from the bullies.  Can he be at peace now?

What if the victim is still angry or sad or afraid?  What is needed to bring him peace in his new surroundings?

Demonstrate the following.

Uncap the bottle.  Holding it over the tub of water say, “Once there was a nice person who really wants to live in peace.”

With one hand, ruffle the water in the tub saying, “There was a community of people.  Some were friendly.  Some were not.”

Lower the bottle into the water.  Say, “The nice person joined the group.”

Scoop up a pitcher of water from the tub and hold it up.  Say, “This represents the pain caused by the bullies in the group.”
Pour the water into the bottle.  When it is full, keep the bottle in the tub, twist the cap back on. Say, “This was how the nice person sealed the pain and anger inside.
As long as he stayed in the group, he knew he would be filled with pain and resentment.  So one day he decided to leave.”

Pull the bottle from the water.  It will stay full.  Say, “Leaving the group was not enough to heal the pain.  It became clear that wherever the nice person went he would be taking the anger and hurt with him.  There was something very important he had to do if he was ever to feel at peace again.”

Wave one arm around to indicate the air. Say, “This is the spirit of forgiveness.  If he was ever to feel better, the nice person needed to allow forgiveness to enter his heart.  It was the only way the pain could go away.  But for weeks, he kept the pain and anger and fear bottled up inside him.  Finally, after praying for courage, he chose to uncap the pain and let forgiveness fill his heart.”

Still holding it up, uncap the bottle and watch the water pour out as the air pushes it down. End by saying, “Filled with forgiveness, the nice person was once again at peace.”

Ask the children what they learned from the lesson in the bottle.  Suggested discussion questions are:
·        
·        Where does forgiveness come from?
·        Is forgiveness just a feeling or is it a choice?
·        When you are really angry, sad or scared, how can you make the choice to forgive?
·        Can you forgive if there is no apology?
Can you forgive if the offender is not even there
I
I  Take a minute of silence to ask God to bring a spirit of forgiveness into the hearts of all present.  Bring out the bottles of soda to share and celebrate the joy of forgiveness.

For more information and to purchase Peacemakers: The New Generation books, please  visit: http://www.peacemakerstng.com/




Friday, April 5, 2013

Forgiveness, Part 1


Forgiveness, Part 1

This scene is not uncommon in a preschool classroom.  Two little girls walk in arm –in-arm, best of friends.  Twenty minutes into the morning, they are arguing over who gets the sparkly shoes in the dress-up corner.  At snack, they refuse to sit together; no longer friends.  At the end of the day, out they stroll, arm-in-arm, BFFs!

Small children easily say, “I’m sorry.” And just as easily forgive. Laurie A. Gray, JD, of Socratic Parenting LLC , makes the same observation, “Children have a natural ability to forgive because their tendency is to live in the present moment,”  This may be why we have no discussion of forgiveness in our preschool-kindergarten Peacemakers: The New Generation book. 

Now move forward a decade to Middle School.  BFFs on Monday can be not speaking on Wednesday and by Friday are gossiping and plotting against one another.  What happened?  Gray suggests that we, the adults in their lives, are inadvertently responsible, “We teach them to keep score, to compare themselves to others and to worry about the future. We hold onto grudges and remind them of past wrongs and hurts.”

To turn this around, we need to be deliberate about teaching our children the value of reconciliation.  Conflict is a natural consequence of living with one another. When each of us is created uniquely, there are bound to be disagreements and opposing viewpoints. This easily turns into contentious behavior which often leads to pain. Without forgiveness, we cannot have peace.  As our children grow in society and become distracted by the lure of popularity, material goods, notoriety of success, they are bound to clash with one another and to hurt one another.  It is our job to show them how to negotiate their way through these conflicts.

Claire Perez and I teach about forgiveness on three tiers: apology, forgiveness and reconciliation.  It is possible to apologize without being forgiven and it is possible to forgive without having heard an apology.  Either can leave us with a sense of peace and a freedom to move on. But the perfect formula is to blend both elements, apology and forgiveness,  to bring about reconciliation.

We start with apology. Apology takes ownership of a poor choice of action.  It involves five steps:
·         Confess our role in an offensive action.  Make no excuses.  Simply admit, “I did it.”
·         Accept the consequences.  Understand that you may have lost a friend, sullied your reputation, or given up a privilege as a result of your action.
·          Ask forgiveness.  Specifically say, “I’m sorry.  Please forgive me.”  Understand that forgiveness might not be forthcoming, but we have done the right thing in asking.
·          Offer restitution.  Be prepared to repair the damages in any way possible.
·          Determine to change future choices.  Show our sincerity by acting differently from now on.

We all make mistakes at some time in our lives.  It is painful to live with the regret.  Sincere apology eases that pain and helps us focus on learning the lesson and being a better person.

Activity  

We took this familiar activity and turned it into a play to portray the lesson.

Scar (A Play)

From Peacemakers: The New Generation, Grades 1-3, pp12-14

Materials:  Three 8”x 10” copies of a smiling face (two for practice, one for the performance) script for “Scar,” five child actors, one adult narrator
Purpose:  To help children realize the lasting, painful effects of bullying and ridicule.  To help children learn the components of a sincere apology.
Preparation:  Ask for five volunteers to be in a little play for the other children.  Sometime previous to the event, take them to another room to practice.

When you are ready, gather the children in the Circle of Peace and explain that they are going to watch a short play.
Script

Five children stand in a row, facing the audience.  Narrator sits on a stool at the beginning of the row, a little forward of the line.
Narrator:  Sometimes people forget to love one another.  When they do, they are sometimes rude and mean to one another.  It hurts our feelings when someone is mean to us, and it’s hard to forget about it later.  Here is a story about four classmates who forgot they were friends.
First child holds up a picture of a smiling face.
Narrator:  This is Jane.  She is usually a happy child.  Her Mommy and Daddy love her.  Her teacher thinks she is a great kid.  Jane’s clothes are kind of old-fashioned.  Because she stutters when she talks, she is shy with people she is just getting to know.  She’s not very good at reading.
Jane is kind.  She likes to share.  She is good at sports.  However, because she is a little different, some children don’t like her.  Here is what happened one day.
First child passes the picture to the second child.
Narrator:  The teacher told the children that the class was going to put on a play.  It would be about a Prince and a Princess and a Dragon.  Parents would be invited to come.  Other people could also come if they wanted.  After recess,  children who wanted a part I the play could meet with the teacher to try out.
Everyone was so excited! Jane thought she would like to be part of the play.  She smiled as she thought of telling her family about it.
Then one child walked up to her and said, “What are you smiling about?  Don’t tell me you think you could be in the play!”
Second child folds the picture in half, creases it and hands it to the third child.
Narrator:  “Y-y-yess.  I Th-think it would be f-f-fun,” said Jane.
“F-F-Fun?” mocked another child.  “Y-y-you can’t even t-t-talk!” And she laughed in Jane’s face.
Third child folds the picture in half again, creases it and hands it to the fourth child.
Narrator:  Another child heard the laughing and came over.  When he realized what was happening, he joined in.  “It’s a good thing there will be costumes, so you don’t have to wear your weird clothes, “  he roared.
Fourth child crumples the picture into a ball, tightly squeezes it and hands it to the fifth child.
Narrator:  “Ha!” said another child scornfully, “I bet you can’t even read the script!  We’ll have to let you be the dog.  Woof-woof!”  All the children howled with laughter.
Fifth child drops the picture on the floor and stomps on it with his foot.
Narrator:  Poor Jane began to cry. 
Then a friend came over.  “Why are you being so mean?” she asked the other children.  “Can’t you see how sad you are making her?  Jane is one of us.  She belongs to our class and she belongs in our play if she wants to be.  You shouldn’t make her cry.”
The other children listened to their friend.  They looked at Jane’s sad face and they felt sorry for what they had done.
Fifth child picks up the picture and begins to uncrumple it.
Fifth Child:  I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings.
Hands the picture to the Fourth child.
Fourth child uncrumples the picture some more.
Fourth child:  I hope you’ll try out for the play.
Hands the picture to the Third child.
Third child unfolds the second crease and smooths out the picture.
Third Child:  Please forgive me for making you cry.
Hands the picture to the Second child.
Second child unfolds the last crease and smoothes the picture out.
Second Child:  I’ll help you read the script before the try-outs.
Hands the picture to the First child.
First child smooths the picture some more and holds it up for all to see.
Narrator:  Jane was smiling again.  She was happy about trying out for the play.  Now she knew she had friends.
 But notice this:  Even though the children smoothed things out with Jane, there are still wrinkles.  When we hurt people’s feelings, embarrass them or point out their differences, they are never quite the same. It takes a long time for the scars to heal and the wrinkles to go away.
The children in Jane’s class were really sincere when they told her they were sorry.  They proved it over the weeks and months to come by being friendly and supportive of their little classmate.  In time, Jane was able to forget about her sad day and just be a happy member of the class.
Begin clapping in rhythm, singing an appropriately happy song such as, “If You’re Happy and You Know It.”  Take a bow!

Process this lesson by recalling the five steps of a sincere apology: 
·         Confess our role in an offensive action.   
·         Accept the consequences.   
·          Ask forgiveness
·          Offer restitution.   
·          Determine to change future choices

For more information and to purchase Peacemakers: The New Generation books, please visit: http://www.peacemakerstng.com/