Forgiveness: Part 3

The following activity focuses on the symbol of shaking hands as a sign of reconciliation.When an adult witnesses two children arguing or even fighting, it is often wise to step back and let the children work it out.  Usually they have a natural propensity toward apology, forgiveness and reconciliation and they learn well from their experience.  But sometimes, the argument escalates, gets out of control and a valuable relationship falls into jeopardy.  It is then that adult guidance is needed.

Forgiveness is the act of granting peace to the offender by releasing a grudge.  It is often, but not always, preceded by an apology, the admission of responsibility for the offense.  The ideal result of combining forgiveness and apology is reconciliation.  To reconcile is, at best, to bring together again in love or friendship.  At least, it means to reach a compromise agreement.

Michael Hyatt of Intentional Leadership writes that reconciliation only happens when three phrases are used:  “I’m sorry.  I was wrong. Will you please forgive me?”  I would add two more phrases: “Yes, I forgive you.  Let’s be friends.”

The words, however, are empty unless they are stimulated by attitudes of responsibility, humility, empathy and patience.

• ·         Responsibility:  “I’m sorry” means I played an active role in offending you.  It may have been accidental, but it was at my hand and I truly regret it.  “Yes, I forgive you”  indicates willingness to do what is necessary to maintain the friendship.
• ·         Humility: It is seldom easy to admit to being wrong. We teach children the value of this behavior when we respond to their mistakes with understanding and forgiveness.  Of course, nothing teaches as clearly as watching how we react to our own errors.  Are we defensive, too proud to acknowledge our faults?  Or do we humbly concede our culpability, repair the damages and move on?
• ·         Empathy:  It is not enough to mutter, “Sorry” or “Just kidding” when we have hurt a friend.  It is important that a child realize just how he has offended another.  It is helpful to encourage him to name the offense and describe how he would feel under the same circumstances.  When he’s ready, the apology needs to identify the transgression:   “I am sorry I embarrassed you when I told that story at school.”  In this way, the wounded child knows for sure that his suffering has been understood and the offender is sure he has been duly forgiven.
• ·         Patience:  Reconciliation is a process that takes time.  Emotions need to die down.  Children need to think through all that has happened.  Adults need to respect the child’s struggle by guiding her, “When you are ready, you can apologize… you can forgive her…you can be friends again.”  This seldom takes as long for children as it can for proud and stubborn adults, but it is not fair to expect it to happen in a matter of minutes.

Activity  

Shaking Hands

Adapted from Peacemakers: The New Generation Grades 4-6, p. 36

Materials:  None

Purpose: To experience what is needed for reconciliation

Gather in the Circle of Peace.  Tell the children what you know about Golda Meir.  She was the first woman elected Prime Minister of Israel from 1969-1974.  She was often portrayed as the “strong-willed, straight-talking, gray-bunned grandmother of the Jewish people.”  Her dream was for peace in the Middle East.  She worked with world leaders including President Nixon and Pope Paul VI to establish a peace initiative to end the “War of Attrition.”

She said, “You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.”

Ask, when there has been a falling out between two friends, what needs to happen in order to repair the relationship?  When is it important to apologize?  What does it mean to forgive? Explain that when there is sincere apology and true forgiveness we have reconciliation,   a bringing together again in love or friendship.     

Invite each child to choose a partner. Explain that in many societies a handshake is a symbol of friendship. It is also a symbol of reconciliation.  Reiterate Golda Meir’s quote: “You cannot shake hands with a clenched fist.”

Ask the children to pretend to be angry with their partners and to make clenched fists to show it.  Can they shake hands as friends?  What would have to happen in order to shake hands? (Apologies, forgiveness, open and relaxed hands)Reconciliation takes away the anger and eases the clenched fist.  Reconciliation makes it possible to restore the friendship.

Invite the children to trace their hands in their journals and fill them with the quote from Golda Meir.  Close the Circle with a Handshake of Peace.

For more information and to purchase Peacemakers: The New Generation books, please visit: http://www.peacemakerstng.com/