Effective Communication Skills, Part II

As children grow older and become more verbal, we sometimes forget that they need reminders about the most effective way to use the thousands of words they’ve learned.

Once they understand the power in their words, they need guidance in how to use that power in the most positive ways.  When we give children the skills both to express their needs and desires and to listen with respect, we open the door to opportunity. Peacemakers: The New Generation books offer several activities to accent the various facets of effective communication.  Following are three of the most foundational exercises.

Activity

Water Balloons

From Peacemakers: The New Generation, Grades 6-8, pp. 44-45

Materials:  Balloons filled with water, at least one per pair of children (This activity is

                  best done outdoors.)

Purpose: To demonstrate the concepts of sender and receiver in effective

                communication.

Instruct the children to choose a partner and form two lines facing one another with partners directly across from one another.  The lines should be about three feet apart.

One partner holds the water balloon.  At the signal, the balloon is carefully tossed to the other partner.  If the balloon is caught without bursting, the partners each take a step back and toss again. Play continues in this way until the balloon bursts.  When this happens, the partners step out of line and sit on the side until the game ends., when all but one pair are still standing with their balloon intact.

Process the activity by discussing the following questions:

·         We will call the person throwing the balloon the sender  and the person catching the balloon the receiver.  What did the sender have to do to keep the balloon from bursting? (Possible responses:  look at the receiver, aim, throw with the right amount of force.) 

·         What did the receiver have to do? (Possible responses:  watch the sender, be willing to move to catch the balloon, catch it before it hit the ground.)

·         Would you throw if the receiver wasn’t looking at you?

·         Would you turn your back if the balloon was coming toward you?

·         What did you try to do when the balloon went way to the right or the left?

·         What would happen if you just stood in one spot?

·         Was it easier or harder to play when you were further apart?

Explain that playing with the water balloons is much like communicating.  There is a sender who speaks, sending the message, and a receiver who listens, receiving the message.  Can you think of other ways the game is like verbal communication? (Possible responses: the sender and receiver are frequently reversing roles; each must pay attention to the other by watching and listening; each must be willing to do what it takes to make it work.)

If time permits, play another round.

Catch the Message

From Peacemakers: The New Generation, Grades 4-6, pp. 40-41

It is one thing to know what one wants to say.  It is quite another to be able to deliver that message effectively to others.  The choice of words and the manner in which they are delivered to others can make a lasting impression on the listener.  Intimidation may get people to back down from a stand, but it is rarely convincing.  Distraction can postpone a conversation for the time-being, but it doesn’t resolve the issue.  Coming to the point honestly, with respect for the position of the listener, is the best way to work toward understanding.

When children learn to consider their audience they choose their words carefully.  They will take time to observe the listener’s body language and tone of voice and monitor their own accordingly.  In time, they will grow to be articulate and confident adults.

Materials:  Five or more soft, lightweight balls of various sizes and materials, newsprint,

                  markers.

Purpose:   To learn the three components of effective communication: attention, empathy, and

                  flexibility.

Ask the group to line up facing each other , as partners, about five feet apart.  Explain that the object of this game is to play catch with different balls and to move the balls from the front of the line to the back, partner after partner.  The leader, you or the extra child if there is an odd number, will give one ball to the first pair in line.  They will pass it back and forth, then pass it to the next pair in line.  The leader will then give the first pair a different ball to toss back and forth and pass on. The play continues in this manner with each pair receiving a ball from the previous pair and tossing it back and forth.  Continue until all balls are in play and have made it to the last pair.  If any ball is dropped, it must be passed back to the leader  and started in play again with the first pair.

To add excitement you might try passing a ball back to the front once it has reached the end, being careful to keep the balls in the correct order.

Process the game by pointing out that the game is like a conversation with a sender and a receiver.  The various balls represent different messages.  Discuss the following questions:

·         What did you need to do to be successful? (Possible answers: pay attention, understand the task, know to whom you were throwing the ball and how good they were at catching it, change how the ball was thrown depending on its sie and weight.)

·         How does this relate to talking with one another? (Possible answers: you have to pay attention, know to whom you are speaking, try to understand what the other person is saying, try to say things so they can be understood, know what you want to say.)

Explain that these observations can be summed up in three words:

·         Attention – being observant of the person, their words and their body language

·         Empathy – being sensitive to feelings and point of view

·         Flexibility – being willing to change the words you are using and how you are speaking in order to be understood. 

Make a poster or bulletin board to remind the group to use these three components of effective communication in their sharing and in their conversations.

Pitfalls

From Peacemakers: The New Generation, Grades 4-6, pp. 44-51

Effective communication is what can build bridges in relationships, connecting people who might otherwise never relate.  Paying attention, being empathetic, being willing to be flexible are ingredients of fine friendship.  Interference of effective communication is what we call “Pitfalls,” those behaviors that knock people off the bridges and keep them from ever becoming friends. They are the earmarks of a bully.

We divide these behaviors into two categories, diversion and intimidation.  Under diversion come the habits which distract one’s attention from the matter at hand.  These include; interrupting the speaker, failing to listen, avoiding taking responsibility for one’s part in the conflict, lying or exaggerating.  Under intimidation come the stronger, abusive behaviors which make it impossible for one to concentrate.  These include pushing, hitting, threatening, labeling, calling names, screaming and shouting.

We put all these together on a poster that looks like this:

Pushing or hitting

Interrupting

Threatening

Failing to listen

Avoiding taking responsibility for one’s part in the conflict

Labeling or calling names

Lying or exaggerating

Screaming or shouting

We gave the list to Jenny and David Heitler-Klevans, award-winning performers of “Two of a Kind”. They wrote and recorded a song for us which you can download from their web site. Find the words and order a CD here.       

We have found that when children learn to recognize these behaviors in characters from books, movies and TV, they are more likely to also identify them in their own lives and to be less fearful, more courageous in facing them or walking away.

For more information and to purchase Peacemakers: The New Generation books, please visit: http://www.peacemakerstng.com/