Positive Self-identity – Part I

   
 (As you read these blogs, place a child you know and love in your heart.  Think about him/her as you contemplate these ideas.)

In helping children develop patterns of peaceful living, the first characteristic we look for is Positive Self-identity.  How a person views himself will dictate to a large extent how he acts, the choices he makes and the attitudes he takes toward others. Positive Self-identity is more than high self-esteem.  It’s a little more complicated than “I’m okay, you’re okay.” Positive Self-identity recognizes one’s own strengths and weaknesses, one’s own needs as well as gifts.  Most importantly, it signifies an understanding of oneself in relationship to others.  In other words, one might ask, “Who am I? What am I good at and what needs more practice?  What are my virtues and what are my vices? Finally, how do I fit in this community in which I live? What do I need from the members here and what can I offer them?”

Self-esteem is about me.  Self-identity is about we.

     For years, psychologists have pointed out that a child with low self-esteem may act out in bullying behaviors in an attempt to prove herself equal to or better than her oppressors.  Lately, another trend has been evolving.  That is narcissistic behaviors that indicate a “Center of the Universe” attitude that excludes everyone else.  This attitude puts oneself above any rules or considerations.  It involves no manners, no sharing, and no taking turns; just “get what I want when I want it.”

When the pain they’ve caused another is pointed out, these children show no remorse, so great is their sense of entitlement. I wouldn’t say these children have a low self-esteem, but I would say they have a negative self-identity, because their identity doesn’t include anyone else.  They are, apparently, on their own.  They are beholding to no one.  Sadly, their expectation is that everyone is beholding to them, which can only lead to disappointment and anger when everyone doesn’t bow to their will.

     On the other hand, a child with negative self-identity is the perfect target for a bully.  It is easy to convince him that he is a zero, since he has no concept of his own worth.  He doesn’t realize that there is a community waiting to help him, so he trudges through his daily torments alone.

      Children who know and accept themselves as being gifted while having some flaws are more able to shrug off undeserved criticism.  They are able to accept others who have obvious flaws, knowing that there are gifts to be discovered.  Children who think of themselves as part of something bigger – “I’m an American, an O’Leary, a Girl Scout,  a Catholic, a Cubs fan” – begin to define themselves in terms of those groups and use those groups to form attitudes, behaviors and goals accordingly.

    Our job, then, as adults, is to guide our children to learn who they are and to accept themselves as good and worthy beings, very necessary to society, and deserving of respect.  Let me say, this is not just a job for parents.  This is a job for every adult.  The children are watching all of us.  They are catching our facial expressions. They are hearing our reactions to life.  They are copying our treatment of one another.  So all of us need to be alert and on our best behavior!

Journal or Discuss:  Remember being ten years old.  How would you have described yourself then?  What in your life, or who, influenced that description?

Activity

Beach Ball Boogie

From Peacemakers: The New Generation, Grades 1-3, p 27

Materials:  Beach ball(s), contemporary dance music, stop watch

Purpose:  To experience the fun of cooperative play, without competition. Or, in this case, to experience one's role in contributing to a group project.

Gather in the Circle of Peace.  Show the beach ball and ask what kind of games can be played with this ball.  Point out that sometimes we can play a game that has no winner or loser.  This kind of game is called "cooperative play." Say that you will play such a game now.

The object is to keep the ball in the air for as long as possible.  Play some lively dance music.  Children toss the ball up and around the circle, taking turns hitting it back up whenever the ball comes near them.  A time-keeper keeps track of how long it is in the air before touching the floor.

Another variation is to omit the time-keeper and simply count out loud each time the ball is touched.  Play several rounds trying to beat the record.

To add interest, after a few rounds toss in a second and a third ball to see how long they can stay up.

Process the activity by asking:  

• What are the advantages of playing competitive games?
• What are the advantages of playing cooperative games?
• Why might it be good to have some of each? 

Or, in this case, process in this manner:

• Explain to the children that this game can be a metaphor for any community endeavor, such as feeding the poor or protecting animats, or cleaning up after a flood.
• Ask, in order to keep the ball up in the air, did everyone have to work every minute?
• Did everyone have to be aware of where the ball was at any given second?
• What would you do if you saw someone not paying attention as the ball came closer to him?
• What if someone decided not to reach up when the ball came her way?
• How does this game help explain the phrase, "It takes a village...?"
• Can you sum up what we learn from this game? (Some things can't be done alone.  We need a community.  Everyone needs to conribute when they can.  It's okay to remind others or help them do their jobs.)

Reproducible for group use only.  Copyright E.T.Nedder Publishing 2007

For more information and to purchase Peacemakers: The New Generation books, please visit: http://www.peacemakerstng.com/