Resilience
It was snack time
for the three-year-olds at Thunderbird Preschool. A little boy reached out and accidently
knocked over his cup. As the milk rolled
across the table, down onto his chair and to the floor, his face changed from a
look of surprise to one of despair. I
was sure there would be tears. But,
before I could even begin to reassure him, his classmate Abigail jumped up,
napkin in hand, saying, “My Mommy says, ‘These things happen!’” With that bit of wisdom, she cheerfully wiped
up the spill!
How pleased I was with Abigail and
how proud of her Mommy! She was teaching
her children resilience in the face of adversity. Resilience is the ability to recover rapidly
from disappointment or misfortune.
Resilience gives one the strength to face difficulties head-on. It is a gem of a characteristic with many
facets. We have several ingredients in our
recipe for resilience:
- · Trust. Children need to believe and rely on the people in the community, as well as themselves.
- · Creative Problem-solving. Children can be taught to “think outside the box,” to look at a problem from many sides.
- · Gratitude. Awareness of one’s blessings can save one from drowning in self-pity.
- · Heroes. Children need models of resilient people to inspire them and pave the way.
- · Humor. Understanding the ironies of life helps a child laugh off the small things.
- · Hope. Everyone needs to believe that good things do happen and we can help make them come to be.
No matter how well we protect them, our children might skin a knee,
miss an opportunity, be rejected. They
might fall prey to a bully. A child who lives with daily abuse, be it from a
bully at school, a racist community or an addict in the family, is bound to
develop an inner anxiety and self-doubt. Parents, teachers, and other loving
adults need to be alert to the grief and, using the above ingredients, fortify
their children with an inner resilience.
Children of even the best parents will make mistakes in their
lives. No matter how caring and
attentive we are, they might spill their milk.
As they grow they might fail a test, tell a lie, or hurt someone. Mistakes happen.
We adults best help children when we show them that it is not the end
of the world. We help by standing with
them and showing them, as Abigail’s Mommy did, how to
1. Take responsibility for the consequences of
their mistakes (wipe up the milk).
2. Learn from their mistakes (in the future, be
sure the cup is further from the edge of the table).
3. Get on with life (enjoy your pretzels)!
Discuss or journal: Where does your own resilience come from?
Do
you have a pet phrase to help the child in your heart work through a
disappointment or pain?
Activity
In the primary grades children know the
disappointment of broken promises. They
know that a lie is purposely misleading and they know that it is wrong. What we adults can help them identify is how
distrust affects relationships and disrupts the community.
In the following activity, children will
experience how trust can be inadvertently hampered when there is not enough
information. Hopefully, they will begin
to rely on their own experience and knowledge coupled with input from other reliable
sources to discover what is and isn’t true.
Piecing
It Together
From Peacemakers:
The New Generation, Grades 1-3, pages 37-38
Materials: A large picture (about 11x 14 or
bigger), self-stick notes (3” squares), board or newsprint, Story “The Three
Blind Men and the Elephant” (See below)
Purpose:
To understand that sometimes we have only part of the truth and we need
more to get the whole picture or the whole truth.
Preparation: Cover the entire picture with
self-stick notes so that each can be lifted without disturbing the others. Set the picture aside, facing away from the
children.
In the Circle of Peace, tell the story of the
“The Three Blind Men and the Elephants” (below) .
Process the story by asking:
What
did the men think they were feeling?
When
they describe what they felt, were they correct?
Were
they stupid?
Were
they lying?
How
could they finally figure out the truth?
Explain to the children that sometimes we have
only a small piece of the truth on which to base our actions. When we do, we must be careful not to judge
too quickly.
When we have only small pieces of information,
we need to share with others to find out what they know. Then, putting the pieces together, we can
come closer to the truth. The more
pieces we have, the more we can trust our conclusions.
Ask:
What
would have happened if the blind men had shared their information with one
another?
Would
they have been closer to understanding what an elephant is?
Propose a game. Display the picture. Invite each child to approach the picture,
one at a time, and look under just one self-stick note to reveal a portion of
the picture.
When all have had a turn, give each child a
chance to say, “I saw _____, so I think the picture is _____.”
Record each guess on the board or newsprint.
When all have reported their “piece of the
truth,” ask if anyone wishes to change her guess based on what the others
saw. When all are satisfied, uncover the
picture and compare the guesses with the reality.
Explain that often we think we know the truth
when we haven’t examined all the evidence.
This is called making a mistake.
It isn’t really lying unless we purposely mislead someone. It is always best to gather as much
information as possible before making a judgment.
Reproducible
for classroom use only. Copyright 2007 E.T.Nedder Publishing
Three
Blind Men and the Elephant
The original parable originated in China
sometime during the Han Dynasty (202BC-220AD) and goes something like this:
One day three blind men happened to meet each
other and talked a long time. Suddenly
one of them recalled, “I heard that an elephant is a strange sort of animal. Too bad we’re blind and can’t see it.”
It
so happened that a merchant with a herd of elephants was passing, and overheard
their conversation. “You fellows, do you
really want to feel an elephant? Then
follow me. I will show you,” he said.
Taking one another’s hand, they quickly formed
a line and followed while the merchant led the way.
After reaching their destination, the merchant
led the first blind man to feel the elephant.
With an outstretched hand, he touched first the left foreleg and then
the right. After that he felt the two
legs from the top to the bottom, and with a beaming face, turned to say, “So,
the queer animal is just like that.”
Then he slowly returned to the group.
Thereupon the second blind man was led to the
rear of the elephant. He touched the
tail which wagged a few times, and he exclaimed with satisfaction, “Ha! Truly a queer animal! Truly odd! I know
now. I know.” He hurriedly stepped aside.
The third blind man’s turn came, and he
touched the elephant’s trunk which moved back and forth turning and twisting
and he thought, “That’s it! I’ve
learned.”
The three blind men thanked the merchant and
went their way. The second blind man
blurted out, “This queer animal is like our straw fans swinging back and forth
to give us a breeze. However, it’s not
so big or well made. The main portion is
rather wispy.”
“No, no!” the first blind man shouted in
disagreement. “This queer animal
resembles two big trees without any branches.”
“You’re both wrong,” the third man
replied. “This queer animal is similar
to a snake; it’s long and round and very strong.”
How they argued! Each one insisted that he alone was
correct. Of course, there was no
conclusion, for no one had thoroughly examined the whole elephant.
How can anyone describe the whole until he has
learned the total of parts?
Reprinted with permission from Chinese Folk
Tales by Louise and Yuan His Kuo
copyright 1976 by Celestial Arts, Berkeley, CA, www.tenspeed.com
For more information and to purchase Peacemakers: The New Generation books, please visit: http://www.peacemakerstng.com/
For more information and to purchase Peacemakers: The New Generation books, please visit: http://www.peacemakerstng.com/
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