Respect for Human Dignity

Respect for Human Dignity

            A group of preschoolers had gathered to watch a cartoon, “Rudolph the Red –Nose Reindeer.”  Suddenly Amelia burst out, “That’s wrong!  I don’t like Santa!”

I was just beginning to question the story myself, so I was quick to ask, “What’s wrong, Amelia?  What don’t you like?”

            “Santa made Rudolph cover up his nose.  Now he can’t breathe right!”

            Pausing the video, I told the children, “Amelia’s right.  It isn’t nice to make Rudolph cover his nose just because it’s different.  I think the person who wrote this story didn’t know that Santa would never make Rudolph do something like that just because he’s different.  Santa loves all of us, no matter what we look like.  If Rudolph’s friends don’t like his shiny nose, what do you think Santa would really do?”

            Just three- and four-years old, some of the children answered like this:

“He would say, ‘It’s okay.  I like him anyway.”

“I think he would tell everyone to play nice and don’t worry about his nose.”

“He would say, ‘Don’t worry, Rudolph, your nose is pretty.’”

            The irony, of course, is that Santa himself is an imaginary character.  But knowing that, for children, he is a metaphor for unconditional love, I felt it important to defend his image.  It was gratifying to see that the children quickly picked up on the error of the story.  It meant to me that they were grasping the significance of human dignity.  I was anxious to affirm it.

            Every person, by virtue of birth, has dignity.  In other words, every person has an innate right to be treated with respect.  If all people knew this and were guided by its relevance, I believe there would be no more violence toward one another.  Reality is: that’s probably not going to happen.  However, we can minimize violence by teaching our children about human dignity.

            The first step is to recognize dignity in ourselves and in our children.  Rules such as using a respectful voice when speaking to parents, holding a door for a grandparent, or answering when being addressed show children that you expect their consideration because you deserve it.   At the same time, reaching out to children with care models for them how they can expect to be treated by others.  It also clearly shows how you expect children to behave toward one another.

            It is important to remember that human dignity is a quality that can never be lost.  It can be overlooked.  It can be forgotten, but everyone always has dignity and always deserves respect.  When we hear someone criticize, “He’s lost all dignity,” we need to revise that in our own minds to say, “He’s forgotten he has dignity.  How can we remind him?”

            When a person falls on hard times or is consistently mistreated by others she can become distracted by her pain and struggle.  Over time, she is apt to forget how valuable she actually is.  She might begin to act undignified.  But we shouldn’t be fooled.  Her dignity is still there; it’s just been misplaced. It takes a loving person to help her find it again.

            Human dignity is a complicated concept for small children.  It is one that can be “caught” faster than “taught” when we model it for them as they grow and develop.  When we help them learn acceptance and reverence for all people, they will come to recognize their own dignity and they will demand respect.

Rudolph’s Happy Night
(From Peacemakers: The New Generation, Ages 3-5, page 38)

Materials:  Jingle bells for each child, recording of the song “Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer”

Purpose:  To help children learn to accept differences and respect human dignity.

Gather in the Circle of Peace.  Sit down.  Tell the children that you are thinking of a story about a reindeer named Rudolph. (Note: Though this is traditionally a Christmas story, it can be told at any time of the year.) Many children will recognize the story.  Lead them in telling it through questions:

• What was different about Rudolph? (He had a red nose.)
• What color were the other reindeers’ noses? (Black)
• How did they feel about Rudolph? (Many acceptable answers.)
• What did the other reindeer do to Rudolph? (They called him names.)
• Did they play with him? (No.)
• Oh, dear!  Was that a friendly way to be? (Accept children’s answers.)
• Then what happened one Christmas Eve? (It was foggy and the reindeer couldn’t see.)
• Was Rudolph able to help? (Yes.)
• How did the other reindeer feel about Rudolph after that? (They loved him.)

This is a happy ending!

Pass out jingle bells.  Invite the children to stand and sing the song.

• Shake the bells during the beginning lines.
• Stop the bells and look sad during the lines about the mean reindeer.
• Put the bells to rest on the floor and shake a finger to “tell the story” about one foggy night.
• Change voices for Santa’s words.
• Pick up the bells and dance in circles for the happy ending!

Reproducible for classroom use only. Copyright 2007 E.T.Nedder Publishing

What’s Fair?

(From Peacemakers: The New Generation, Grades 1-3, page 19)

Materials: Several blindfolds, several pairs of mittens (oven mitts will work, but no gloves), a piñata filled with individually wrapped candies (a brown paper bag can substitute for the piñata) and hung in the vicinity, a pole to break the piñata,

Purpose: To experience respect for human dignity and acceptance of differences.

Gather the children in the Circle of Peace.  Remind the children of the rules for playing the game safely.

Rules:

• Each child will be given three tries to break the piñata.
• The others must stand back to avoid being hit by the pole.  (You may want some volunteer spotters.)
• When the piñata first breaks open, everyone FREEZES until they hear the signal.
• When and ADULT yells “GO!” they can dive in and pick up as much candy as they can hold.
• It is unfair to grab candy from another’s hands.
• When all the candy has been picked up, the children will return to the Circle of Peace and be seated.

Before playing the game, randomly pass out blindfolds and mittens to various children.  Tell them that they are to wear these props throughout the game.  Help them put on the blindfolds. Note that some children will have no props.

Play the game.  Children take turns, one at a time, swinging the pole at the piñata, hitting it until it bursts open and the candy falls to the ground.  Traditionally the child swinging the pole is blindfolded.  In this game, if the child has not already been blindfolded, he will swing without it.

After the game, return to the Circle of Peace.  Tell the children they can remove their props. Without noting that some children have more candy than others, ask how they feel about the game.  Are they feeling happy? Sad? Angry?  Why?

Was it fair that some children couldn’t see?  Was it fair that some children couldn’t pick up the candy easily?  Is there any way the children can make the outcome fairer?

Express appreciation to the children who voluntarily share their candy.  Ask if anyone can guess why you played the game this way.  Was there a lesson?

Help the children realize that not everyone in the Family of God has the same abilities. We all have different physical attributes.  Some people can get things more easily than others.  But one thing we all have is dignity.  And dignity gives us the right to be respected and loved.  God likes to see us help one another and share with one another. 

Ask if the children can think of examples from life that might be like the piñata game they just played.

Reproducible for classroom use only. Copyright 2007 E.T.Nedder Publishing

For more information and to purchase Peacemakers: The New Generation books, please visit: http://www.peacemakerstng.com/

Positive Self-Identity – Part II

When helping children develop attitudes of peace, we look for Positive Self-identity.  How a person views himself will dictate to a large extent  how he acts, the choices he makes, the attitudes he takes toward others.  Positive self-identity is more than high self-esteem.  It’s a little more complicated than “I’m okay, you’re okay.”  Positive self-identity recognizes one’s own strengths and weaknesses, one’s own needs and gifts.  Most importantly, it signifies an understanding of oneself in relation to others.  In other words, one might ask, “Who am I? What am I good at and what needs more practice?  What are my virtues and what are my vices?  Finally, how do I fit in this community in which I live?  What do I need from the members here and what can I offer them?” 

Self-esteem is about me.   Self-identity is about we. In the following activity, children are encouraged to create a world of their own.  As they deliberate about their imaginary world, they come closer to realizing that there is a purpose to this great and real world in which we live.  They will be encouraged to think about how they contribute to that purpose.

I like to use four A words when talking about children’s Positive Self-identity.

First is Attention.  Children need our close attention, not just when they’re tiny, but also and especially when they grow into Middle School and High School.  There is nothing so lonely as feeling invisible.  Let’s be sure to look at our children and greet them with a smile when they walk into a room.  And don’t let them just disappear as adolescents are wont to do;  say ”good night” or “good-bye” as they leave the room.

All of us, when we are out and about, can make a contribution by paying attention to the children who are present.  Get eye contact. Smile if they are behaving well.  Frown if they are not.  It used to be the mark of a good neighborhood when everyone watched out for everyone else’s kids.  We knew we had to stay out of trouble.  We also knew we were safe, because someone had our backs.  Offer kind words to boost a child’s spirits.  A stranger once complimented my daughter for holding the door for me.  She never needed a reminder after that!

At home eat a meal with the children. Turn off the TV and put away the cellphones.  Have conversation.  Share the day, tell jokes.  Plan future holidays or outings.  Strategize how the family can cheer up ailing Cousin Tony.  There’s plenty to talk about.  Be sure to do your share of listening as well.  Active listening includes looking at the child while he’s speaking.  Nod your head. Pat his arm. Inform your face to respond.

Finally, we need to watch for signs of stress.  Does your child seem tired, overly cranky or overly quiet?  Be observant.  Ask questions.  Try to find out what’s happening without hovering.

The second A is Appreciation.  When we show appreciation for who our child is and what she does and how she adds to our lives, we honor her. At the same time, we model the gift of gratitude.  A person who has gratitude and who knows she is appreciated is less likely to show jealousy or envy of another.Relying on a child to take over age-appropriate chores helps the family function more smoothly. “What would we do without you?” Including him in community service activities opens the way for others to notice and thank him.  “You made this job so much fun!”

We can be stingy with our criticism, especially in the early adolescent years (when it’s probably the hardest). They are rough enough on themselves.  It’s a good bet that their friends and teachers are giving them plenty of critique each day.  Instead let’s find ways to notice and name their strengths. 

The third A is for Affection.  Children, even big children, need to know they are loved.  Hugs, kisses, blessings should be a regular diet served to children by their families.  I once heard a young man eulogize his father by telling how he made special cards for each child on every holiday, including St. Patrick’s Day.  “I have a box full of his affectionate notes,” he told the group “given even when I wasn’t very adorable!”

The rest of us can find other ways: a wink to share an inside joke, a friendly nickname, a thumbs-up across the room, a note with a pack of gum slipped into a pocket.  They all help to make a child know he belongs and is important to the group.

The final A is Affiliation.  Our children need to know that they belong to something so much bigger and so much stronger than just themselves.  There are people on whom they can depend for advice, help, and protection.  By the same token, there are people who need to rely on the children for much the same. A three-year-old can bring Mommy a diaper to change the baby; a nine-year-old can help an elderly neighbor rake the leaves; a thirteen-year-old can babysit.

Outside of the family, belonging to a school or a Church, being on a team or a member of choir will give a child another way to define herself.  Teachers, coaches and other adult leaders help broaden a child’s experience and build her confidence.  It is through these activities that children learn social skills of cooperation, sharing, anticipating another’s needs, enjoying another’s success.  It is often through people in these communities that a child learns compassion, courage of conviction and even self-sacrifice.

 None of us are the Center of the Universe.  All of us kind of float around together, needing some and helping some.  Let’s guide our children to be aware of their membership in this vast world.  Let’s teach them that whenever they feel overwhelmed by a particular challenge, like a bully at school, they can just reach out and ask someone for help.  If they happen to be the by-stander when a bully picks on a kid, let’s show them how to be an up-stander instead.  Encourage them to run for help, create a distraction, speak up to the bully or stand next to the victim to offer hope.  But never feel alone.  And never let someone else feel alone.  We are one.

Journal or discuss: Were you ever bullied as a child?  Were you ever a bully?  If your adult-self could talk to that child, what would you want to say?

Activity

Create a Mini World

(from Peacemakers:The New Generation, Grades 6-8, p.4)

Materials: Clay or play dough, construction paper, tape, scissors, other creative materials.  Time: 2 hours or more

Group the children into pairs or trios.  Invite them to take a few minutes to imagine a new world.  Ask the following questions:

• What would life be like in your ideal world?
• Who would live in it?
• What would they need?
• What things would happen there?
• How would they happen?
• What does your world need to thrive?
• What would destroy it?

Allow children to select materials to create a mini-world based on their ideas.  As they work, they can think up a story to share about this world. Allow as much time as possible for this project.  Several hours over several days would be ideal.  If time is limited you might use only markers and paper to create a world.  When the project is complete, give each group a chance to talk about their worlds and share their stories.

Process the activity by discussing the following:

• What is your hope for your world?
• As your world’s creator, what would you be willing to do to support your world?
• What do you think is the hope of the Creator for our world?
• What do you think our Creator is willing to do to support our world?
• What do each of you bring to make our world a wonderful place?

Reproducible for classroom use only. Copyright 2007 E.T.Nedder Publishing

For more information and to purchase Peacemakers: The New Generation books, please visit: http://www.peacemakerstng.com/

 

Positive Self-identity – Part I

   
 (As you read these blogs, place a child you know and love in your heart.  Think about him/her as you contemplate these ideas.)

In helping children develop patterns of peaceful living, the first characteristic we look for is Positive Self-identity.  How a person views himself will dictate to a large extent how he acts, the choices he makes and the attitudes he takes toward others. Positive Self-identity is more than high self-esteem.  It’s a little more complicated than “I’m okay, you’re okay.” Positive Self-identity recognizes one’s own strengths and weaknesses, one’s own needs as well as gifts.  Most importantly, it signifies an understanding of oneself in relationship to others.  In other words, one might ask, “Who am I? What am I good at and what needs more practice?  What are my virtues and what are my vices? Finally, how do I fit in this community in which I live? What do I need from the members here and what can I offer them?”

Self-esteem is about me.  Self-identity is about we.

     For years, psychologists have pointed out that a child with low self-esteem may act out in bullying behaviors in an attempt to prove herself equal to or better than her oppressors.  Lately, another trend has been evolving.  That is narcissistic behaviors that indicate a “Center of the Universe” attitude that excludes everyone else.  This attitude puts oneself above any rules or considerations.  It involves no manners, no sharing, and no taking turns; just “get what I want when I want it.”

When the pain they’ve caused another is pointed out, these children show no remorse, so great is their sense of entitlement. I wouldn’t say these children have a low self-esteem, but I would say they have a negative self-identity, because their identity doesn’t include anyone else.  They are, apparently, on their own.  They are beholding to no one.  Sadly, their expectation is that everyone is beholding to them, which can only lead to disappointment and anger when everyone doesn’t bow to their will.

     On the other hand, a child with negative self-identity is the perfect target for a bully.  It is easy to convince him that he is a zero, since he has no concept of his own worth.  He doesn’t realize that there is a community waiting to help him, so he trudges through his daily torments alone.

      Children who know and accept themselves as being gifted while having some flaws are more able to shrug off undeserved criticism.  They are able to accept others who have obvious flaws, knowing that there are gifts to be discovered.  Children who think of themselves as part of something bigger – “I’m an American, an O’Leary, a Girl Scout,  a Catholic, a Cubs fan” – begin to define themselves in terms of those groups and use those groups to form attitudes, behaviors and goals accordingly.

    Our job, then, as adults, is to guide our children to learn who they are and to accept themselves as good and worthy beings, very necessary to society, and deserving of respect.  Let me say, this is not just a job for parents.  This is a job for every adult.  The children are watching all of us.  They are catching our facial expressions. They are hearing our reactions to life.  They are copying our treatment of one another.  So all of us need to be alert and on our best behavior!

Journal or Discuss:  Remember being ten years old.  How would you have described yourself then?  What in your life, or who, influenced that description?

Activity

Beach Ball Boogie

From Peacemakers: The New Generation, Grades 1-3, p 27

Materials:  Beach ball(s), contemporary dance music, stop watch

Purpose:  To experience the fun of cooperative play, without competition. Or, in this case, to experience one's role in contributing to a group project.

Gather in the Circle of Peace.  Show the beach ball and ask what kind of games can be played with this ball.  Point out that sometimes we can play a game that has no winner or loser.  This kind of game is called "cooperative play." Say that you will play such a game now.

The object is to keep the ball in the air for as long as possible.  Play some lively dance music.  Children toss the ball up and around the circle, taking turns hitting it back up whenever the ball comes near them.  A time-keeper keeps track of how long it is in the air before touching the floor.

Another variation is to omit the time-keeper and simply count out loud each time the ball is touched.  Play several rounds trying to beat the record.

To add interest, after a few rounds toss in a second and a third ball to see how long they can stay up.

Process the activity by asking:  

• What are the advantages of playing competitive games?
• What are the advantages of playing cooperative games?
• Why might it be good to have some of each? 

Or, in this case, process in this manner:

• Explain to the children that this game can be a metaphor for any community endeavor, such as feeding the poor or protecting animats, or cleaning up after a flood.
• Ask, in order to keep the ball up in the air, did everyone have to work every minute?
• Did everyone have to be aware of where the ball was at any given second?
• What would you do if you saw someone not paying attention as the ball came closer to him?
• What if someone decided not to reach up when the ball came her way?
• How does this game help explain the phrase, "It takes a village...?"
• Can you sum up what we learn from this game? (Some things can't be done alone.  We need a community.  Everyone needs to conribute when they can.  It's okay to remind others or help them do their jobs.)

Reproducible for group use only.  Copyright E.T.Nedder Publishing 2007

For more information and to purchase Peacemakers: The New Generation books, please visit: http://www.peacemakerstng.com/